How to Cope When a Sibling has Autism 

When a sibling is diagnosed with autism, commonly known as autism spectrum disorder or ASD, it can change the entire family dynamic. Oftentimes, there is an involuntary shift that could have an impact on any neurotypical siblings who live at home. However, with the right resources, guidance, and care, families can find a healthy balance for all their children.  

How an Autism Diagnosis Affects the Family  

An autism diagnosis can change the family dynamic in some unexpected ways. Autism affects how children grow up; it can show up in almost every aspect of life. Parents are now expected to devote more of themselves to their child with autism. Things like doctor and therapy appointments, extra help with schoolwork, and caring duties can inadvertently take time and attention away from neurotypical siblings and other family members. 

Between the initial diagnosis and the time spent on care and treatment, everyone in the family faces a new set of challenges. To be successful, families should learn to work together; including parents and siblings.   

Part of working together is creating a support system for the whole family. This can include friends and community members; but also consider one-on-one talk therapy for everyone in the family. Having an unbiased sounding board can help siblings express feelings they may not feel comfortable sharing with parents or other family members. 

How an Autism Diagnosis Affects Siblings 

The relationship between a neurotypical child and their sibling with autism will be unique. Sometimes neurotypical siblings may have feelings of resentment or guilt over the amount of time their parents devote to their sibling with autism.  

On the other side hand, children can have strong, loving and protective bonds over their sibling with autism.  Parents need to understand that complex and often conflicting emotions in their neurotypical children are normal. 

How to Support Siblings 

It is a parent’s role to be supportive of all the children in their home. Parents need to make sure all their children feel seen and heard. There are several ways to support the sibling of a child with autism.   

Create a support system as a safe place for feelings – Sometimes, kids just don’t want to talk to their parents. It’s important they have a community they can reach out to when they want to talk about their feelings or get out of the house. This can be a social network of friends, extended family, a good therapist, or a support group. Encourage kids to interact with peers in the same situation; it can help them to talk with someone going through a similar set of challenges. Kids need a support system to work through the complex emotions that come from having a sibling with autism. 

Foster open, honest, and appropriate communication – As we mentioned earlier, both parents and siblings will have complex emotions around an autism diagnosis in the family. Parents need to be the ones to open those lines of communication. Take the time to observe how neurotypical siblings are reacting to their sibling with autism. Use this as a steppingstone to open conversation about their loved one’s diagnosis. Validate their feelings and let them be open with what they say. Try not to police the conversation. It can even help for parents to share some of their struggles; just be mindful to not overshare and only share things that are age appropriate. Also, share information about autism with neurotypical siblings. Anxiety can come from a lack of knowledge, help neurotypical children understand by explaining the diagnosis, how it progresses, and how it impacts everyone. 

Siblings need one on one parent time – After an autism diagnosis, parents tend to spend more time and energy on the child who seemingly needs the most help. This is not to fault the parent; it’s just what happens. However, parents need to acknowledge that their neurotypical children need time and energy as well. Parents need to prioritize individualized time with their neurotypical children to make sure the child knows they are loved and cherished just as much as their child with autism. 

Siblings need to have privacy and to feel safe – Sometimes, a child with autism can cross boundaries without realizing it. To help neurotypical children feel supported and respected by the family, parents should allow them to have their own space—free of the sibling with autism—where they can be safe from any outbursts, aggressive behavior, or their own overstimulation.  

Fostering the Sibling Relationship 

While it’s true that an autism diagnosis can change the family dynamic, there are several ways parents can nurture the relationship between siblings and create a healthy family bond. 

We mentioned this above, but parents need to spend equal time with their children; this also is true for resources. Parents need to ensure that their time and resources are fairly split between all siblings. This will help all siblings feel included in the family. 

Another thing parents can do is schedule things for the family to do together. Whether it's a board game night or a day out, doing things together is a positive interaction that can strengthen sibling relationships. It’s also a good idea to plan outings based on each child’s unique interest. This allows each sibling to learn more about each other.